I appreciate your critique, and I’m glad you like the arrangement. I did try out your suggestion of the fourth rather than the fifth on the word “shed.” I agree that it makes for a smoother transition to the next chord, but the melody line is less interesting that way. In this particular case I’d rather go for the interesting melody line than the smooth transition. But perhaps there’s a way to harmonize the two. I’ll keep working on it!

AJ Harbison

Also, I really enjoyed the nice octave slide of the sixth string leading into the second verse. Even though there weren’t any other instruments playing, the bass slide combined with the more intensive strumming in the second verse gave a lot of movement to your piece. It would be nice to hear this song with a fuller band; bass guitar, drums, and possibly some keyboard. Other than that, very well done sir!

I thought overall the second version was better. The things I enjoyed are the whole step up from D-flat to E-flat. This definitely added some interest and made for a nicer segue into a higher and more varying melody. The double-time also helped the song by not lingering on the same chord for so long. In that instance, the words were few and the only instrumentation was the strumming of the guitar; so holding out the chord too long creates a drag point and your audience can lose interest. The double-time helped push the song through.

The change I did not like was at the beginning of the phrase. The change in pitch on the word shed. In the previous version that word was sung on the fourth of the scale. You changed it to the fifth and held it longer. I liked the rhythm shift, but I think if you kept that note on fourth then it allows for better resolution into the next chord. Try the old pitch with the new rhythm and see how it sounds.

My two cents!!

AJ Harbison